Envy
by Fear the Silly People
Summary: Envy's point of view on how Hoenheim abandoned him.  I'm crap with summaries, please don't hurt me! Rated T just to be safe! Envy one-shot please disregard the message in the actual story about me not knowing if it's a one shot or not.


**First off, I'd like to make this very, very clear. I DIDN'T WRITE THIS! It was written by the co-author, (if you don't know who she is, then go check out FMA Fairytales of Weirdness, she makes an appearence in that Fic of mine, and we've been working to gether on alot Fics) I suck at serious Fics! By the way I don't know if this is going to be one-shot or not, so please don't ask.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA, the Co-author belongs to herelf (she doesn't own FMA either.). **

~T.T~

The only condolence I'd had was that Hoenheim was a terrible man. I'd  
managed to convince myself that it wasn't my fault. It wasn't my fault I  
wasn't good enough for him. He was a cruel man who hated everyone, and would  
never be a good father to anyone, ever again.

But then, I'd seen them, those two little Elric boys, Edward and Alphonse.  
Back then, I didn't know their names, but it didn't matter. All that  
mattered was that they were with him, and they were happy. He loved them, his  
birth sons, his little boys who were linked to him by blood. His sweet little  
human children, little creatures fabricated by the same desire I'd been  
created from: the wish to bring back his dear son. The only difference? He  
actually cared about them.

I couldn't stand watching it. The way they doted on those two little blonde  
boys? It was sickening to watch. Hoenheim adored them, in a way that was quiet  
and understated, but still far more than he'd ever shown to me.

He loved them. He loved them so much more than they would ever know. I could  
see it in his eyes, in the creases in his face and even in the slightest of  
movements he made when they were near him. A shift toward where they sat, a  
reach for where they stood, a gentle pat on the head or a light squeeze of the  
shoulder; all gestures of his love for them. But with every loving gesture he  
showed them, I was reminded bitterly of the resentment he'd shown me. Where  
they were bathed in warmth, I was given the cold shoulder.

How many times had I stood in their window and watched them? How many times  
had I followed them in the shape of a bird or a dog? I spied on them whenever  
I had a chance; I watched their lives and was overwhelmed with an insatiable  
longing. I was jealous of them, because everything that they had was  
everything that I'd always wanted. I envied them, wished for everything that  
they had. I even wished for them to lose everything they had, just so that I  
wouldn't have to see it. If I couldn't have that life, the life that was  
meant for me, then why should those two little runts have it?

One night, I'd been standing on the outskirts of their yard. As the two  
little Elric boys played, I watched in silence, envying their childish  
laughter and joy. I wished that I could have had that kind of childhood.

As the sun sank down, Hoenheim came to the door. He called for his sons, who  
ran to him and then disappeared into the house. I remember watching in awe as  
he looked up, and the way that my body froze when his eyes locked with mine. I  
was shaking, because I was afraid. Not of what he would do to me, but of  
everything else that could happen.

He stared at me for a long moment, his eyes wide with bewilderment, and for  
one second I actually thought that maybe things could be better. Maybe now  
that he'd moved on, had these two new sons, he was finally ready to accept  
me for what I was. Maybe he'd softened up enough to take me. For one, split  
second, I lowered myself to a level of complete stupidity and actually smiled  
at him. Because he was my father, wasn't he? He would take me now, after all  
this time, right? If he'd taken those two little Elric boys, then of course  
he'd choose me too, wouldn't he?

But of course, he didn't.

I'll never forget the icy resentment that entered his eyes when he finally  
snapped out of it. That stone hard glare he fixed on me. I couldn't believe  
that the man who had gazed so lovingly at his birth sons just a moment ago was  
capable of such a glare. His golden eyes were full of hatred. He watched his  
sons with warm love, but me? All he could muster was icy loathing.

Another thing that I'll never forget is the sting of betrayal that I felt as  
he slammed the door shut. It was like watching a video clip again and again in  
my mind: The icy glare, the slamming of the door, and the click of the lock as  
he shut me out of not only his house, but his life. The slam that had echoed  
inside of me for all these years got even louder. All I needed now was  
Hoenheim shouting at me to "Get the Heck out of my sight, you worthless  
mistake of nature!" and I would have sworn I'd just traveled back in time.

Same man, same cold resentment, same events, even the same feelings. The same  
gaping hole where my heart was, the same despair and betrayal sucking at my  
soul, the same urge to curl up and just die. That same, hard lump sat in my  
throat; the same heat stung my eyes, and the same urge to howl in rage and  
sadness was there again. But this time, it was harder. Because now I knew that  
it wasn't him. It couldn't be him, could it? How could someone who loved  
his sons so much hate someone else with such intensity? What had I ever done?  
What was wrong with me?

~T.T~

**Again, I don't know if there's going to be another chapter.**


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